It really stinks when what you know is coming finally decends upon you. In my gut, I knew the new discharge date included September, but to finally hear it tonight... it felt like the wind was knocked from our sail. Both my husband and I are so "done" with Ali not being home. We are desperate for this date. To just put her in her car seat, load her up and drive away from the hospital. It has been a wonderful facility and the Lord has placed people in her life to sustain her life while being there, but truly... we are so ready.
The new Pulmonologist told us tonight that the "new" date would be September. I hear this and automatically say "October". I just don't feel it right now. I truly don't even see a date and I think that is what scares me the most. We have had our training, I have been able to stay with her several days in a row, we feel confidant in our ability to care for and keep her safe... what gives? What gives? I KNOW "what gives". HE is in control. And I wouldn't want to try and take that for anything. Not even if it meant having her come home early. We have placed Alicen at the Lord's feet many, many times. For some reason, it's getting harder leaving her there.
Lord, I know you love Alicen even more than we could possibly imagine. I KNOW you have her, will take care of her and truly will do what is best for her. I can't help but feel you are preparing us to let go of her...
What started out to be a place to dump all of my worries related to our daughter Alicen is now a place about our family. Our life is crazy but it's what we know. Thankfully, we know Jesus Christ is in it all!
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