And.... here we go.

Scott and I knew the time would come that Ali would get sick with a cold while starting out on this cap. I just didn't think it would be so soon. She is coughing, sneezing and we are needing to suction here quite a bit more as of this evening.  True to form, a holiday is quickly approaching, therefore, an illness must be had.  =(  Such a bummer as it adds more stress in not knowing how things will play out. Will we make it to Grandma and Papa's? Will we need to stay home or "tag-team" with the kiddos? Will we end up in the hospital? One never knows and I try VERY HARD to just roll with it, remain positive and try to give it back to the Lord.

The big issue surrounding this illness is how well (or not) she can handle it while being capped. We are in the beginning stages of capping her so I am unclear as to how long to try her. I know the answer already; "Is she retracting? Is she needing more oxygen? What are her medication requirements?"  I know all of the signs and symptoms. I understand what to watch for. I just don't know how SHE will do throughout the process and this unnerves me.  But again... I have to just roll with it. Understand that life must stop for a few moments, hours or days as we help her to heal and put aside my to-do list.

I also spend a great deal of time stressing about Scott's work. We both can become stressed when we know that Ali is getting sick and it's more than I can safely handle by myself. I tend to be pretty conservative in my approach to Ali. I don't like giving her more meds than necessary but I also am the first to give it when warranted. I am a "slow and steady wins the race" kinda gal but am the first to push forward when I feel prompted.  It takes a lot for me to say to Scott that I feel "unsafe" with Ali at home. Partly  I feel that we have been well trained and honestly... I HATE going to the hospital. I appreciate the staff, feel that she is well cared for (most of the time) and enjoy those one-on-one moments, but it brings up emotions and stresses me to no end when it comes to the care of our other children.  Too many times Scott has needed to take a day off of work in order for one of us to be at the hospital while the others are being cared for at home.  Thankfully, THANKFULLY, we have wonderful parents, family and friends that step in and help us as they can.  If not, I don't know where we would be concerning Scott's employment. This weighs heavily on us quite often.  It's one of those, "we're trusting in You, Lord" kinda things as it's too big for us to carry.

Aside from all of this, we had a wonderful evening celebrating an early Christmas with Scott's parents and our family/extended family. It was fun watching the kiddos make gingerbread houses, eating way too much dessert and having a "White Elephant" gift exchange. I LOVE these gift exchanges. It's so much fun seeing what everyone will get and at $5.00 a gift, way more affordable, too!  All in all, it has been a really great night.

So... it's 12:52 a.m. and I am hoping to get  a bit of sleep while Ali is sleeping. Something tells me Eva will have other plans, however... 

One last thought... Consider those around you. Your family, friends, those "used to be" friends.  Life is precious and incredibly short. A person I love very much just lost her Dad this evening. Much too soon. Tonight, she is grieving his passing and the reality that his time here on earth is complete.  It is so true that we need to take the time to make amends. To connect with those that we loose touch with.  To say I love you once more. Give a hug. Take a chance and show your love.  Offer a bit more grace.

On that note.. good night.  <3 p="">