Just wanna whine...

Sometimes I just wanna whine. I find myself overwhelmed with the stresses of life and don't know how to handle it; or don't handle it very well. I want to hide in my bedroom and "check-out" for an hour. Just have a moment without beeping noises, worrying about "breath-rates", children saying "Mom, Mom, Mom" or a forever changing "to-do" list. I hate it when I feel this way as I KNOW I contribute to the insanity.

This past month, I have been seriously evaluating my life and the things I bring upon myself. I have been considering where my time is being spent and how much of it I am actually giving to God. I LOVE to help people, "pull my own weight" and contribute. This is wonderful, except it sometimes comes at the expense of my husband, children and relationships. I am actively cleaning my plate and asking God to fill it for me. Some of these things I have to finish first as I do not believe I am honoring God if I simply dump my list all-together. Other things I CAN let go of.. ummm Facebook anyone?? =)

It became very clear to me when Gracie asked me to hold her and my response was, "I'm sorry honey, I can't. I have to send an e-mail". Huh???!!!?? Crazy, right? I have complete control over this decision. I unfortunately made the wrong one. Thankfully, God gives us a new day. Each day we wake up is a new moment to surrender to Him. To serve Him. I am beyond grateful for these moments. I get caught up in not wanting life to pass me by. I don't want to waste a second and so I fill my time and when mine is full, I go and fill my children's or husband's time with MY junk. Pray for me. Pray with me.

God gave me 6 wonderful children. Time IS fleeting. My time as their Mother in my home is fleeting. 2 Thessalonians... Pastor has been teaching on this for a few months now. Time for me to REALLY take it seriously. We DO have tribulation in this world. But how much of the tribulation is self-inflicted? I intend to find out! And then... keep cleaning house!

How time changes things

I am not a "blogger" in the sense that I do not blog on a regular basis. This is really more of a journal for me and a way of tracking life surrounding Ali. Or so, this is how I started this. It's amazing how much a year changes a life. Reading my last post over a year ago, how much we were anxious to bring Ali home, just be with her and move forward with life.... well, God has certainly moved life forward for us. The adoption finalization of Alicen, the birth of Meghan and the soon-to-be adoption of Emilee. Life is crazy, that is for sure. Life is wonderful. Life is difficult. Life is amazing. There are so many times I feel overwhelmed or frustrated or on occasion, simply afraid. I am forever thankful that Jesus Christ is in my corner. That is can be in ALL of our corners. That I am NEVER alone, even when I feel that I am.

I am going to be making some changes in my life. Things that some might not understand. Subtle changes, but changes none-the-less. I am scaling down some areas to make room in others. I am trying to focus on where the Lord is calling me and less on where I feel I SHOULD be called or help out. Life is precious, limited in time and joyous when not crowded out by "should-have, could-have or guilt". It's time to put down the list, the worry of not filling everyone elses needs/wants/desires and just follow after the Lords direction. It may take a while stop feeling like I am failing others but I can't WAIT to have that sense of calm, direct purpose and satisfaction in just doing what I am SUPPOSED to be doing. Not what I think I "should" be doing. Pray for me... For those of you who know me know... this won't be easy.