Can I just say how SICK and TIRED I am tonight with ventilators/trach tubes and the rest of this? It has nothing to do with my love for our daughter and yet it has EVERYTHING to do with my love for her. It has been a long 3 years for her. She has struggled in ways I have never known. Tonight, she is down at Children's and is incredibly sick. I am home as I was up with her last night and need to try to sleep for a bit in order to care for her in the morning. I HATE that I am not with her but thank Scott so much for getting into the ambulance and going with her. It's an awful feeling when your child reaches out for you out of the ambulance and you have to watch her drive off knowing she is crying and just wants her Mama.
I am just DONE!! I am tired and overwhelmed. I need to sleep. Mostly... I am just praying for the Lord's protection over all of us and for a moment of rest.
In Him, I find peace. Even when feeling the way I do right now, I know HIS will is perfect and that, while being frightened, I can give it all back to the Lord. Not hang on to my feelings but trust that even if I am not there, God is ALWAYS with Ali (and all of my children and each of us). I just wish I were there too...
What started out to be a place to dump all of my worries related to our daughter Alicen is now a place about our family. Our life is crazy but it's what we know. Thankfully, we know Jesus Christ is in it all!
Friday, November 9, 2012
A three year old with piggy tails!
When Ali was so sick and in the hospital that first year, I would stand by her crib and imagine what she would look like at age 3. I would picture her in little jeans, a stylish little shirt and her hair swooped up in the sweetest pig tails. She made it to age 3 AND she looks just like I imagined her. It's pretty amazing to see the Lord work so clearly and see His miracles day after day. Really, they are all around us; God's miracles. But I don't think I took the time to seek them out or notice them before meeting Ali. I'd see the BIG ones but I missed out on so many of the little ones. Three years later, I am thanking the Lord for the 6 miracles in mine and Scott's life. Who knew one little person could help in re-shaping the way I view the world, my children and myself. I am a better Mama and wife because of the Lord placing Ali in our lives.
I can't wait to see how all of our children grow over this next year. I just wish my older ones would give me "permission" to write about them as often as I write about Ali. They're getting older and want their "privacy". Too bad. There is so much GOOD STUFF to write about them! =)
I can't wait to see how all of our children grow over this next year. I just wish my older ones would give me "permission" to write about them as often as I write about Ali. They're getting older and want their "privacy". Too bad. There is so much GOOD STUFF to write about them! =)
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